Dreaming

Gracee

Well, I really love my Gracee, but this typing with one hand is for the birds. I am going to have to disappoint her to get anything important accomplished. Just letting the world know that I am still alive and kicking.  I am going to try to balance her on my chest to use both hands. Hopefully the soothing purrs continue. I really needed her comfort this afternoon. Work was difficult yesterday, but I made it through and learned a lot in the process. It just took me all day to learn how to do it.  I am glad that Gracee is comfortable because she is going to be going to the vet in the coming weeks. Finally, a real check-up. I have to get her ready for our big move in another few weeks. The excitement is getting to me, but I have not been able to get very much packed and ready.

I really do not know if I want to dig into my patterns of addictive behavior at the moment. Suffice it to say, I have learned my lesson and none too soon. I messed up being so selfish and wasn’t taking very good care of myself either. Long nights without sleep whether you are winning at a casino or not, are not fun. I have been lethargic enough. Staying up all night just made it worse. I am glad that life is really behind me. Will I ever go to a casino resort? Maybe? Right now the though makes me sick. There have got to be other hotels without casinos, just as there are other ways to have fun and celebrate life.

I will be spending my time dreaming about my new home and new start.

Here

Being present in the moment. That’s what I am working on. At least as much as I can. Only Jesus was perfect. I am making progress again. Adulting up you might say. I am sorry I have stayed out-of-touch for so long. It has been difficult time and challeging, but God has brought me through it. I am still bouncing back and forth about whether it is a good or bad thing for me to go to the casino. That has been part of my reason for not posting. I felt like a hypocrite. Sometimes it is like it is my only wsy to have fun. But thst is really just a deceptive thought. I just need to be more creative and a little less lazy. It feels good to get that off my chest.

Wirh that being ssid, I am feeling a lot better about many other parts of my life. Like I hinted earlier, a lot has been going on. I have been in training for a new job for the last five weeks. The stress of change has been felt heavily for most of that time. I spent a geat deal of my free time trying to keep a fibromyalgia flare from ruining my efforts. I accomplished it my praying and sleeping, a lot. I really did not do much of anything else. I have made new friends and that has helped releave that awkward transition period. Some days all I could focus on was the fact that I was there. I may not have retained as much information as might have been prudent, but I could say “I’m here.”