I need a breakthrough. I have been afraid to write for so long that it hurts to even try. I am and have been a mess. At least a mess for so long that I could not even remember without checking when my last post was written. I really want to try again. It is almost like I am forgetting who I am. Or what I can do. Again? Again. I have been so embarrassed of my work to date that I have not only not written anything, but I have been afraid of anyone finding out I have an MFA in creative writing. I am ashamed of myself. Ashamed of my work. Ashamed of myself period. I still have hope some of the time that things can change, but I feel like my past is simply there to taunt me. Taunt me and embarrass my family.
I just cannot seem to focus on anything important except getting and staying at work. Like right now for instance. I am so afraid of the silence that I refuse to turn off the TV. And because I have the television running in the background, I keep getting distracted by movies that I have seen over a hundred times. What is wrong with me? I for sure do not know. At least not at the moment. I wanted to write something profound, but I seem to only be writing nonsense. Maybe I’ll come back in a few days or next weekend. I really am sorry everyone.