Admitting is the First Step

4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 [b]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery in any addiction. You would be right to say that arrogance is not an addiction, but it is one of my glaring character defects. I may not always work the 12 steps in order, sorry. My sponsor will just be happy I am working on any. I am admitting that I have been arrogant. Though I do not believe it was intentional in the past, I must take responsibility for it now. I have always taken pride in the fact that I take the high road in an argument. Always trying to be the better man. Turning the other cheek and all that. But honesty calls me to look back and realize I was the one that gathered ammunition for future quarrels–in the hopes that I might one day win an argument. It was not right for me to refuse to submit to the authority of say a pastor when he suggested I let a situation alone at the same time. Believing that I was the one doing the right thing leads me to standing puffed up without even trying. That is when I imagine that others started to see the arrogance before I did.

Love is not easily angered and is not provoked?? Are they the same thing? I have been studying that at more length this week and, to tell you the truth, I want to just say that the head injury and overdoses have screwed up my brain too much to understand it all. But, the truth is, I have a problem with anger. I hold it in until I am ready to implode. I never explode on anyone. Even people that so-called deserve or need to hear it. I think this is one place that arrogance seeds were planted.

Arrogance and pride come in many forms. Every day we make choices to put our thoughts and needs above someone else’s we are walking in them. I have had an air of superiority. I wish I could go back and apologize or make it up to family, friend, and stranger. I do know that living out 1 Corinthians 13 will allow me to make the amends to all of them. I will have the opportunity to make amends to those closest to me, in person. I am glad of that. My pride in my own ability to always do the right thing has to die on the Cross today.

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