I was looking for something about selfishness and gambling and had a few problems. The way that I act is not supposed to define my identity in Christ, but how do you recognize the sin and not wallow in condemnation? The disease of addiction has many selfish characteristics. I look back on the havoc I keep creating shatters any hope for mercy or grace. The hope that I had earlier today is shaking. All I feel is scolded. Not by God, but by life. I feel like I am always doing something that someone else does not like. I know in my heart that I am not doing it on purpose. No wonder I try to drown the feelings with something. Now is just not a good time to go into all of this stuff, but at least you know some of what has been going on in my head when I am not busy working.

Condemnation is the expression of very strong disapproval. To walk around constantly feeling it is contradictory for a christian. Romans says that “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” I know that I am a recovering addict (drugs, alcohol, gambling, overeating.) I take responsibility for that. I admit my powerlessness. That I have not managed my life like a forgiven child of God. I have been constantly trying. I feel like I have been trying all my life, but always failing. I guess as long as I start the conversation about my sinful nature, I am starting in the right place. I hate the sins that I have committed.

I also know that Christ offers His forgiveness. I am going to show how thankful I am to be set free from those sins. This will not be about what I can do, but what I will have the ability to do through His deliverance.

Between dealing with these emotions and computer problems I am going to have to go, sorry to disappoint today.



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