I promised that I would check in after I arrived at the library. So here I am. I am a little concerned that I may spend too much time here and miss the next trolley. I just remembered that I was supposed to cook stew this afternoon. Oops! Of course, I had the curtains draw and overslept this morning too. In light of that information I think that I should just cook tomorrow or Wednesday. I work tonight, so there really are no plans except to keep praying for my fibromyalgia pain to go away. It is just not letting up.

I told my physical therapist about the pain and she even gave me a little stretch work on my neck to help. Because I am there for my shoulder she only worked on that side. I am still having problems with strength, but this is probably my last week of therapy. I am really going to miss everyone. Especially Paula. She is so sweet and I now that she has a strong faith from the conversations that she has with all of us. I am thinking about sending a few cards to them as a thank you. Maybe even a missing you. The doctor may order a functionality evaluation since I am not as far along as I should be at this point.

I am scared of going back to the bakery. But lately I have been getting uneasy feelings about staying in the fitting room. It may just be that things have been so much easier on be because they are avoiding asking me to do more difficult work. My memory and lack of critical thinking caused me to panic last night at a time when a new person just took the time to think it through. It took a few hours, but she got it done. I do not think I could have finished it at all.

Getting back and forth to work has been a struggle and stress since my last. LAST trip to the casino. I had saved $60 and had transportation coming from friends. I was set. BUT then I went to the casino. I wasn’t satisfied with just playing the bingo type game. I went over to the machines that I have been winning on. I did okay for a long time. But I would try to bet max and lose. I would put another $20 in and the same thing would happen. I even won back all that I lost at one point, but a man sat next to me and won $200 in just a few minutes and I got jealous. Two sins in one night. I LOST IT ALL. Including about $10 in ones. So probably lost close to $70. I AM DONE!!!!! The hatred I feel at myself is consuming. I am crying out for God’s grace and beating myself up at the same time. I had to have a conversation with my roommate that was more than intense. I am still learning to grow up and I am not the only one losing patience with me in that area.

This entire time I have sat here I have been looking at my watch to not miss the trolley. I think I have. Guess I will read. What a concept at the library.

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