I haven’t been sitting here for very long, but it feels like the next thirty minutes will take forever. It is a bad thing to spend an hour listening to worship music and a little Bible reading and be feeling a sense of dread. I spent almost my entire day off in bed. Mostly sleeping, but never feeling rested. Sounds a little like laziness and a lot like depression. Lack of motivation. Feeling sick all the time and struggling with shoulder pain is not helping.
If you cannot tell I am not looking forward to the next five and a half hours. If the ladies are cool, tonight will be easier to handle. I just cannot seem to go over two hours without a break. This shift only has one break. Meals are out of sync and it is messing with my blood sugar too. I hate all this self-focused complaining. It doesn’t help anyone. There’s no life in it.
I have not moved any closer to finishing the revision on the first chapter of Journey into Life. I obsess about all sorts of little, unimportant things and don’t have anything left to face the rest of the day with. My worship, prayer, study and church going are like shots to boost me immediately, but as soon as they are over I feel lost. My writing is almost nonexistent. Again. It’s like I have nothing to say. But that is not true. I want to share Jesus and help others, but I just cannot find my way of doing it. I thought writing was it.
It is almost time to get back to work. Start work rather. I don’t want to move along like a zombie. I want people to see light and life and Jesus. Not me or my problems. It just seems like problems are all I can see. The Word is life and I need more of it than sleep. Why can’t the devil leave me alone long enough for me to be strong enough for battle.